One Last Breath
by LaraWinner
Summary: DxH songfic. Duo is six feet from the edge... can Hilde pull him back?


DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of it's characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

One Last Breath

By: Lara Winner

Song: Creed

BRING!

BRING!

"Hi, thanks you for calling Shinigami's lair. I'm not home so if this is really important you know what to do. Later!"

…BEEP!

"Hey Duo it's me. Are you there? Duo? Pick up Duo I know you're home… Damn it, why won't you answer the phone? For God's sake Duo pick up! All right, I'm on my way over."

…BEEP

__

Please come now, I think I'm falling

I'm holding to all I think is safe

Slumping against the wall, Duo pulled his knees to his chest as the echo of Hilde's voice lingered through the silent house. The sudden movement made the small bathroom tilt and closing his eyes he bowed his head finding it hard to draw in a breath. Hot unbidden tears burned his eyes, making scalding paths down his colorless cheeks. In his trembling hands he clutched his rosary, absently twisting the prayer beads around his fingers. 

"I can't do this anymore…don't you understand… I CAN'T!" He screamed with only the walls to hear him.

__

It seems I've found the road to nowhere

And I'm trying to escape

He was tired. So damn tired. 

Warily he lifted his watery eyes to the empty bottle set by his side. The label was turned away but the smell of whiskey seemed to penetrate the air around him. This was pathetic. Why was he pushing himself? He was tired. There was nothing left to try for, no place that he could loose himself, no one here that needed him… So why was he pushing himself to face each new day?

Angrily he lashed out sending the empty bottle flying against the far wall, shattering it into a million pieces. In fascination he watched the shards of glass slide across the floor, the pieces catching the light and reflecting it. Pretty. Very pretty.

__

I yelled back when I heard thunder

But I'm down to one last breath

With trembling fingers he lifted a particularly jagged fragment and brought it closer for inspection. He turned it in the light, watching the glow of the florescent light overhead dance along the razor sharp edge with childlike interest. Gently he traced it with his finger feeling nothing as a trail of crimson was left in its wake. Was he so numb? Had he lost the ability to feel now? 

To his surprise the though made a rush of panic surge through chest. He needed the pain .The pain let him know he was alive. The pain was his only friend. The pain embraced him when nothing else would. Was this now deserting him also?

A sudden pounding on the front door to his apartment jerked him from his daze and he blinked. When the pounding persisted he leaned his head back against the wall, twisting the rosary even more in his agitation "Go away." He whimpered softly.

But the knocking refused to cease. Instead it kept getting louder and louder only broken by the occasional call if his name. It was her voice, Hilde's voice. She sounded worried… he pushed the thought away, squeezing his eyes shut. The pounding continued. That relentless pounding…

"GO AWAY!" He yelled.

__

And with it let me say

Let me say

"Duo! Duo, open the door!"

He heard her words, only slightly muffled, and laughed softly. "Not a fucking chance babe."

She called his name again but instead he tuned out her voice, letting himself fall back into that place in his mind where he was safe. It was like warmth washing over him as he began to hum softly, not quite recalling the words but clearly remembering the off-key tune of the organ. He let the feeling overtake him, pretending that for just a moment this wasn't a memory and he really was home, safe within the walls of Maxwell Church…

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

That maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

"Duo! Please open the door!"

"I can't." He whispered, "I can't"

"Duo!"

She was driving it away. Even as he tried to recall, tried to remember he was loosing that feeling, that precious sense of belonging. Opening his eyes, he felt fresh warm tears began making paths against his cold skin. His vision blurred and he blinked his eyes, focusing on the glass still in his hand. He closed his hand around it, exerting more and more pressure until he felt something warm and slippery begin to slip through his fingers.

Tiny prickles of pain began to radiate up to his wrist and he smiled. The pain was there, calling him, begging him to come home. Just one little cut and it would all be over. He looked at the glass with growing determination. He wanted out, he needed out of this hell, this living nightmare that consumed him daily. Duo Maxwell was dead and in his place something had grown, something he couldn't live with any longer. It was time to embrace death, for it was always there, always welcoming. 

Shinigami was beckoning and how could he ignore the summons of his master?

__

I'm looking down now that it's over

Reflecting on all of my mistakes

The pointy tip pressed into the flesh of his wrist. Dragging in a deep breath, Duo dragged the glass over his skin, biting his lip as pain washed over his arm. The copper taste of blood filled his mouth even as scarlet drops began to fall onto the pristine white tiles of the bathroom floor. Like a serpent, it trailed down his hand, pooling at the tips of his fingers before falling. There was something soothing in knowing it was over now. There would be no more blood spilled by his hands. The demons in his head could now rest and let him be. The voices of his victims, the souls of his sacrifices, could fall silent now that he was departing this world. Shinigami was returning to hell…

It was only then that his befuddled thoughts cleared enough for him to realize that Hilde's knocking had stopped. Was she gone? Didn't matter, she was already so far away…

__

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in his grace 

The eerie silence seemed to creep up on him as his eyes fell down to the rosary he continued to hold. How ironic that he should end this way, cursing the God that made and embracing the God that killed him. He had tried so hard to do the right thing but it was never enough. Even giving his blood, his soul and his sanity for the colonies, it wasn't enough. God had forsaken him long ago. And it was a cruel that God gave him a taste of love, a taste of happiness before allowing Shinigami to rip it all away. 

"Fuck it!" He hissed, throwing the rosary at the wall. It landed upon the pile of broken glass with a soft clinking sound. "You damned me! Why God?" 

Choking on the sob that rose in his throat he cried, "Why?"

__

I cried out heaven save me

But I'm down to one last breath

The tears seemed to overtake him, wracking his body with years worth of pent up hatred and anger. It poured out of him in each sob making his chest tighten and his throat burn. He couldn't breathe. He was going numb once again, the pain leaving him alone with nothing but the erratic beating of his heart and terrible pounding in his head to tell him that death hadn't claimed him yet. 

"Heaven help me father for I have sinned."

Duo gasped the words as the last of his will deserted him. Silently he begged for death to come, watching his very blood soak the floor beside him. He tried to move his fingers but there was no feeling left to them. His lips curved in a bitter smile. He should've done the other wrist, but leave to him to fuck this up too. Was there nothing he could do right? Why couldn't he just die already? 

__

And with it let me say

Let me say…

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

That maybe six feet 

Ain't so far down

"Oh my God, Duo!"

The sudden cry made him freeze in horror. No.. no.. no.. no! She couldn't be here. He had locked the front door. She was supposed to be gone. He didn't want her to see him like this… But there was no strength left for him to protest as small hands pulled him into a warm embrace. He shivered, involuntarily seeking out her warmth.

Soft fingers brushed his cheek. "Duo what made you do this?"

He tried to answer her heartbroken plea. He tried to tell her it was too late but no sound rose from this throat. Was she crying? No, she wasn't supposed to cry for him. He wasn't worth her tears, not the tears of an angel. He didn't deserve this.

__

Sad eyes follow me

But I still believe there's something left for me

Slowly he opened his eyes. He could feel her body shaking as she tried to hide the fact that she cried silently. Almost afraid, he lifted his head so he could see her face. Deep, watery blue eyes stared back at him carrying a sadness he'd never seen in their depths before. His heart twisted with guilt as fresh tears flooded his own eyes once again.

Reluctantly she moved away, rummaging through the cabinet under the sink before turning back to him with gauze and a bottle of peroxide. He couldn't stop his eyes from following her as she gently took hold of his hand and began cleaning the wounds. Despite her light trembling touch pain shot up his arm. He grit his teeth at the sharp burning sensation almost swearing he could hear Shinigami laughing in his head. Then a dull ache began as Hilde wrapped the gauze tightly around his wrist and palm to stop the bleeding.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, I think you need stitches and you've lost too much blood." She choked on the last word giving him a questioning look. "Why did you do this?"

The pain in her eyes made his guilt double. He didn't mean to hurt her. He was just… just…"I'm so tired Hilde. I can't do this. I don't want to be death anymore. I'm sick of standing alone."

So please come stay with me

'Cause I still believe there is something left for you and me

Once again delicate arms reached out to embrace him and he fell into their warmth holding on to Hilde like a lifeline. He felt her fingers stroke his hair while holding him as tightly as she could. Suddenly, here in her arms, things didn't seem quite so impossible and unbearable now. Even the buzz of the alcohol seemed to fade as he buried his face against her neck.

A shiver coursed down his spine, covering his skin with chill-bumps when her warm breath bushed his ear as she softly she whispered, "Your not alone Duo. I'll always be here I promise."

"You want to help me?" He asked, unsure if he had heard her correctly. She didn't mean it. Eventually she would turn her back on him just like everyone else. Why would she bother with someone as fucked in the head as he was? She didn't need his problems added to the burdens she already carried on her shoulders. 

Leaning back, he studied her face in all seriousness. "I'm not worth the trouble babe. You should leave well enough alone."

"I'll be the judge of that." Taking his face in her hands she forced him to look in her eyes. "See, when you care about someone you don't just stick around for the good times. If you really care then you're there through the hard times too. And I'm not going to let you go through this by yourself."

__

For you and me

For you and me…

He stared at her wide-eyed, mesmerized by the honest emotion etched on her pretty face. Her words left him vulnerable and aware of just how much he needed her affections. Now that his jester's mask was broken he knew he couldn't shut her out. "You would do that for me?"

Her response was sweet and to the point as she pressed her lips to his softly. After a moment she pulled back and grinned, "I'm here now aren't I?"

Her quiet words made the smallest smile cross his lips. With a soft sigh, he looked down at his throbbing wrist then over at the mess across the small room, then back again. "I'm an idiot, huh?"

"No but from now on just let me help you okay."

"I promise Hilde." He whispered as she as she slipped her arms around him again. Closing his eyes, he tucked his face against her throat trying to block out the blood and glass that covered the floor. For the first time in years he felt stirrings in his heart. Maybe Duo Maxwell wasn't dead after all. And maybe Hilde could be the one to bring him back to life.

__

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…

A.N. – This is the product of hearing the song on the radio, singing along to the top of my lungs, having my muses suddenly gang up on me with this idea, and writing the fic till 2:30 in the morning when I have to be up for work in six hours. Sorry it's so angsty but the song is borderline suicidal and in my opinion so is Duo…and Heero for that matter…Well, if this is crap it's not my fault. Staying up past my usual crash time makes me do strange things. Thanks for reading. *Big hug* to all my readers and know that I love you guys!!! *_*


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